reflections on my first half marathon
dappled sunlight, oxygen high, oxygen deprivation...sensory overload, bay leaves, trickling creeks, steep downhill, log down, whoops! slippery mud on angled singletrack, rocks, newts, oxygen- so much I feel heavy here, grounded, tangibly connected to everything around and under me. within me. nothing of material construct is important here, and i am light. too.
from light/dark dapples, and serpentine cliffs sticking out of sticky mud, i scramble for toehold, fleetingly wonder about muddy soles sticking to rock, then fly, dip and rise through small ravines back into the -redwood glory- up to a fireroad, as soft and dark and full of duff as trails were- luxury for my knees... high as a kite when my fuel kicks in, oof another uphill? now i remember, this is how i trained, back in the day. those days. long rain runs, swims in the lake, vistas through the fog, good friends who are not here now but will be in my heart always, forever trails in the oaken hills...coyotes, bucks, hawk.
now i am up rocks, up freshly cleared trail, cut logs and orange flags- guiding me like a beacon... ah green trees. soaproot blooming in early spring sun on the ridgetops... and in between, ferns, little ones, big ones, fresh fiddlenecks waiting to open until the thunderous feet stop passing this morning. Tender. Fresh. limbs curled up tight to body, new fuzz still damp with morning dew, reminding me of that night not so long ago when the wee one slipped his way into this world. i smell mother cat licking afterbirth from newborn kittens who made surprise appearance during the night outside our backdoor. the smell of instinct, of closeness, of animal, of new fur and cozy. yes. we are connected, we are the wild instinct that is all of creation.
i remember that if i can get back into my body, and out of my mind, i am animal and can embody this. I don't need to put on 3D glasses to be Part of the Forest, to find cooperation, to feel the ground breathe through me, to sigh with All that Is and feel her rise up to meet my feet, cushioning me and lightning my load. i remember this is what drew me in the first place, this place of euphoric connectedness, of recognition, of remembering the magic that this place under my feet is. and that if i can simply create this space, to be in this place at this time within, i can create my life as it desires to be, despite the physical and mundane. my physical reality has not changed, I have... and my world will change as it rises to meet me. i am grateful to the universe for this glimpse of the Dream.

Miracles.

"Who makes much of a miracle?

As to me, I know of nothing else but miracles...

To me, every hour of the light and dark is a miracle,

Every cubic inch of space is a miracle,

Every square yard of the surface of the earth is spread with the same;

Every spear of glass -

the frames, limbs, organs of men and women and all that concerns them,

All these to me are unspeakably perfect miracles."

- Walt Whitman (and thanks to Ken Lauher for posting)

I'd like to think I could add on to this concept, but rather... my desire is to honor this, to hold on, to embrace it and let it run through me again and again, that its essence may fill me with gratitude and the childlike innocence that works to keep every day aware of the magic.

The Wild

3.8.10 - A five day. Humility.
I sit here in my warm morning bed, sleep in my eyes and body tired from upping my miles so dramatically over the weekend and arising early with a hungry baby. The morning glow enlivens snowy hills across the valley, and like a bluebird day, puts a smile on my face that goes all the way through me. Inspiration. Pink shadows play in the spaces between the dark spaces I know to be trees and bare rock faces, inviting my heart to play there as well. I watch this dance for some time on certain mornings, others, I only get a glimpse as I dash from morning task to morning task.
The hoot owl outside fills my heart as well, like a playmate from another time. As I arise before the dawn, I have come to love his call, echoing softly through the neighborhood. Lazily I wonder if he was the one, this winged creature of the shadow side, to take our smallest cat away. Somehow that is far less violent for me to imagine than a car being her transport vehicle to the other side. I realize that since I can remember, I have held a notion deep within that I would far rather die by the hand of natural order than by concrete and metal on wheels. And maybe that is what has drawn me to the mountains of quetzal, the trails of mountain lion and bear, and to high country of snow leopard and yeti, mostly solo and (save a few moments) mostly unafraid.
Some small, but irrepressible part of me embraces that wild, even if I do not visit it daily or even weekly, at this time of my life, though I have lived in it for weeks, months. That part of me that believes in the Wild, believes too in Natural Order -and my place in it, however low on the food chain I might be. That it is there, that I can vanish into it, is enough for right now.

I hold this belief tight to me this day, feeling closeness with my own Wild and the natural rhythms and order within -and without, and I am grateful.

Cheers~!
...and here I go with my first post on a very new blog.
What about me? I work as a water girl, writing grants towards greening up our city (blueing up our river)... running fast to keep up with the fastest baby on hands and knees... writing (not enough) to satisfy the urge... trying new things whenever I can, to keep the Inspiration flowing and channels Open... loving the twosome I find myself nestled into... all the time wanting to bend time, make more time and space to spend with my little one... trying new recipes of all types whenever possible... with crafts, with food, with seeds and our garden, with training runs, with yoga and meditation, and in general, any efforts to keep the positivisms coming.
I hope to make this blog something to keep you interested, to keep me writing, and to share ideas. So, Cheers!