reflections on my first half marathon
dappled sunlight, oxygen high, oxygen deprivation...sensory overload, bay leaves, trickling creeks, steep downhill, log down, whoops! slippery mud on angled singletrack, rocks, newts, oxygen- so much I feel heavy here, grounded, tangibly connected to everything around and under me. within me. nothing of material construct is important here, and i am light. too.
from light/dark dapples, and serpentine cliffs sticking out of sticky mud, i scramble for toehold, fleetingly wonder about muddy soles sticking to rock, then fly, dip and rise through small ravines back into the -redwood glory- up to a fireroad, as soft and dark and full of duff as trails were- luxury for my knees... high as a kite when my fuel kicks in, oof another uphill? now i remember, this is how i trained, back in the day. those days. long rain runs, swims in the lake, vistas through the fog, good friends who are not here now but will be in my heart always, forever trails in the oaken hills...coyotes, bucks, hawk.
now i am up rocks, up freshly cleared trail, cut logs and orange flags- guiding me like a beacon... ah green trees. soaproot blooming in early spring sun on the ridgetops... and in between, ferns, little ones, big ones, fresh fiddlenecks waiting to open until the thunderous feet stop passing this morning. Tender. Fresh. limbs curled up tight to body, new fuzz still damp with morning dew, reminding me of that night not so long ago when the wee one slipped his way into this world. i smell mother cat licking afterbirth from newborn kittens who made surprise appearance during the night outside our backdoor. the smell of instinct, of closeness, of animal, of new fur and cozy. yes. we are connected, we are the wild instinct that is all of creation.
i remember that if i can get back into my body, and out of my mind, i am animal and can embody this. I don't need to put on 3D glasses to be Part of the Forest, to find cooperation, to feel the ground breathe through me, to sigh with All that Is and feel her rise up to meet my feet, cushioning me and lightning my load. i remember this is what drew me in the first place, this place of euphoric connectedness, of recognition, of remembering the magic that this place under my feet is. and that if i can simply create this space, to be in this place at this time within, i can create my life as it desires to be, despite the physical and mundane. my physical reality has not changed, I have... and my world will change as it rises to meet me. i am grateful to the universe for this glimpse of the Dream.