And what an odd feeling, knowing there are many within our ranks who are being let go, cut adrift, today... I sit working at my desk, after a lunchtime relaxed visit to the cafe, almost falsely. False because in the back of my mind is the reality that when I return to our offices, some of my coworkers may be gone already. False because while I smile and it is a beautiful day out, it is a hard week and all of the faces I see here are stretched taut with worry, or just saddened by heavy stress.
So similar it is to the experience of being pregnant and having the doctor tell us, 'I know you want a homebirth, but if you do it now, you will bleed to death.' Despite my dream of this, I allowed that to be a possibility- and held the dream, too. We made arrangements, holding the light, holding space and living in allowance for any outcome, and still did our positive visulizations... regardless. *And, had his okay two weeks ahead had a home birth, And I lost a lot of blood... but our dreams manifest themselves and we allowed it to unfold. What a strange thing, to be holding both worlds, at the same time, knowing ultimately, only one can exist.
So I am here, typing tonight, thinking about detection limits and new projects and data from creeks... thinking about my family and our future, and trying to not be attached to the outcome, but instead, really interested in seeing how the measured unfolding of the universe works itself out. This concept of trusting in the Universal Law of Karma- the idea that there IS a big picture of the greatest common good, and the acceptance that I MAY NOT know what all of that looks like right now.
I work to Just be present with what Is.
Right now.
Courage to hold loving kindness, or at least, kindness as love, or lovingness in kind with at least what Is.
Compassion for all beings, and enough space in my heart to hold space for this whole world, knowing that somehow, all is right and perfect, in all its imperfections, in this moment.

Of all this; I think of Great spirit (JOY) bending to kiss Great mystery (BEAUTY): I think of the magic of this embrace, and the magic of new souls being born on this earth as a result...
The nuzzling of a mare and her baby foal, velvet lips touching new fur.
The unfurling of tender green fern fronds deep in the forest.
The way steam rises lazily from the river in early light, lingering sensuously, dangerously close to where from it came.
The pattern of a dragonfly as it dodges in and out, tracking the surface of reflections.
Water droplets hanging in the orb of life, enlivened by the glint of setting sun through the trees. Ladybugs doing a frenetic hokeypokey in a writhing red mass on the trunk of the old grandmother madrone below purdon crossing. every year.
The color of deep violet sky as the first stars begin to show.
Support enough for all.
Kisses to friends that have left the planet.
Promises for the future in all this chaos that is life here, as we know it.